I am not, however, wasting my time moping.  This evening, I tackled a job that I had been putting off for sometime now – the junk closet.

It’s called the junk closet because it holds a little of everything – extra supplies for the bathroom, tools, broom, vacuum cleaner, plates I like to decorate with, candles – you name it, it’s in there.  Only now, there’s a little less of it.

I have no idea why it took me so long to tackle this closet, because really, it only took about 30 minutes to sort it out. Thirty minutes and two bags, that is: one bag for trash, and another for things I plan to donate to my local spay/neuter program’s yearly yard sale. I don’t need five giveaway tape measures, seven packs of curtain rod brackets when all the windows in the house that are getting curtains already have them, four sets of A/V cords and film for cameras I no longer use, but someone else may.

So here’s my plan for this week:  I have a linen closet, Sugar Dumplin’s little closet, and my huge unruly closet that need cleaning.  I plan to have them all sorted out by this time next week.

Here’s my strategy: The linen closet and my closet will take the longest, because they are packed tight.  Therefore, Sugar Dumplin’s closet goes first, as it will motivate me to clean the other two.  I’ll spend 15 minutes tomorrow night on the Dumplin’s closet.  I’ll spend 15 minutes, two nights in a row, on the linen closet, and 30 minutes three nights in a row on my mess of a closet.

Pray for me, people.  And for my Dumplin’, so far from home, but anticipating a nice neat closet when he gets back!

Tomorrow, my dreams will be dashed.  Well, not exactly.  See, tomorrow, I am closing on my house.  That’s right, Ruby’s buying a home.

It’s the house I have been renting for two years or so.  Is it my Barbie Dream Home?  Not exactly, but it’s damned close, and I’m getting it for a steal.  So it’s no longer the practice dream home – now it’s reality, like it or not.

And I do like it, really.  It’s an early 1970s model – and I’ve always loved the houses of the late 1960s-mid 1970s – with a big enough kitchen, big enough dining room, big enough living room, bathroom that has to be seen to be believed in all its blue-1970s glory, large master bedroom, huge master closet, tiny second bedroom.  And that’s just upstairs.  Downstairs there’s another huge bedroom that I am using as a den, lots of little closets, a “family room” that currently houses my family, that being two stupid cats, utility room and a bathroom that looks like a bomb shelter but is perfectly serviceable.

It has potential.  And I’ll make it into a dream house.

Wake Up! It's a brand new year!

It’s safe to say that the entire country was happy to see the last of 2009, and no wonder.  Whether you call it a recession, a depression, or just a really hard time, 2009 was the year we all had to rethink the way we spend – the way we spend our money, the way we spend our time, the way we spend our lives, really.

For most of us, spending less was no longer an option.  It was a must.  For some of us, we had to spend more of our time working to make up for lost income.  And all of us have had to rethink the way we’d been spending our lives, because it became clear to us that a disproportionate amount of the last few years had been spent building sandcastles out of money that didn’t exist.

The best thing about a new year is that it gives us an opportunity to start almost from scratch.  I say almost because most of the time, we’re starting off with the same debts and assets that we had at the end of the previous year.  What can change is our way of thinking about the positive and negative aspects of our lives.

So let’s start 2010 with a few resolutions, and resolve to stick with them resolutely.  Let’s…

…..Spend less.  The Starbucks lattes and dinners out we’re so sick of hearing about are not the only spending patterns we can change.   There are plenty other places we can tweak our spending, as well.  Do we really need that new pair of shoes, or do we just want them?  Do we really need to buy that DVD when we can borrow it at the public library?  Do we have to stock three different kinds of soft drinks in the fridge?

…..Save more.  I know, this is another one we’re all tired of hearing, but think about it: every little bit helps.  Start small. Put all your pocket change in a mason jar, and be pleasantly surprised by how much money you’ve saved when it’s full.  Hide a $1 bill in your sock drawer every day for a month.  Next month, try to make it a $5 dollar bill at least once a week.  Next month, try to make it a $10 at least once a week. Will you become a millionaire by the end of the year?  Of course not.  But once your “deposits” to your sock drawer start to add up, so will your feeling of accomplishment, and I bet you’ll be compelled to spend less in order to stash more…

…...Work harder. That’s right.  The fact that we played – with our time, and most of all with our money – harder than we worked for most of the last decade has gotten us into this mess.  Now it’s time for us to work our way out.  We already know it’s going to be hard.  And it truly means each and every one of us working harder to improve ourselves, our careers, and most of all, our communities and our country.  We want this to be the best place possible to live again, right?  It’s not going to happen unless we all work hard at it.

…..Be Thankful for What We Have – and Use It. Most all of us have lost something during this recession, from disposable income up to our jobs and homes.  The saying may be trite, but it’s true – there is always something to be thankful for.  Food.  Shelter.  Health.  Your parents.  Your siblings.  Your child.  Your best friend.  The lady at the gas station who knows you by name and smiles at you.  Your church.  Your school.  Your community.  The fact that you have access to a computer and the internet, so that you can see this blog.  The fact that you can read this blog…

Let’s share our food with someone who has less, even if it means taking one can of beans to the food pantry – it’s one more than they had before, right?  If we have extra blankets or clothing, we can donate them to a homeless shelter.  We can get our friends and family together and decide what we can do to help the others in our community who are in need.  And if we’re the ones in need?  Then we’ll ask for help and ask how we can help.

Jean Seberg shows off her lovely skin.

Nobody wants to have scaly shins, ashy elbows, or dishpan hands.  Nobody wants to spend all their scratch on preventing these disasters, either.  When it comes to caring for the skin from your neck down, it’s possible to do so without spending a fortune.  It’s altogether possible to keep your skin gorgeous without breaking the bank, from bubbles to body lotion.

Lathering Up

You lather up for one reason – to get clean.  However, unless you work in the coal mines or a pig farm, you’re probably not as dirty as you think.  In other words, you are probably using too much lather, too often.  Wait! Don’t leave!  This isn’t as gross as you think!

Lather up your stinky parts (and you know what your stinky parts are) every day, preferably with deodorant soap.  For your other parts, unless you’ve gotten especially dirty or sweaty, do those every other day.  Trust me, as long as you take care of the stinky parts, the water in your shower or bath will be enough for the rest.  If you have dry, irritated, or just plain itchy skin, you may find that this bathing method cures it, especially during the winter when cold temperatures tend to aggravate these conditions.

What to lather with?  Well, if you’ve been down a soap aisle in any store lately, you’ll know that there is an array of products to choose from – it’s up to you which to choose.  As a general rule, clear bars of soap, which are primarily glycerine, are less drying than opaque soaps.  As for body washes, whichever you like the scent of and fits your budget.  Personally, I use Lever 2000 deodorant soap on my stinky parts, and the absolutely wonderful Lander 3-in-1 Body Wash, Shampoo and Bubble Bath as my body wash.  This Lander stuff is a knock off of the much more expensive Philosophy 3-in-1s, for a literal fraction of the price, and as far as I can tell, works just as well.

Smoothing Up

Exfoliating – the new black.  For real.  There are an overabundance of exfoliating products on the market now, and 99% of them are too gentle to do any good whatsoever and the other 1% will take the top layer off your skin.  That’s only a slight exaggeration.

The best exfoliators you can buy are not in a tube.  Rather, they are tools – think loofahs and bath puffs.  However, loofahs become nasty, not to mention germy, almost overnight, and while most bath puffs can be washed, who actually does wash them?

The absolute best exfoliator for your body is a washcloth.  Preferably a cheap one that has a little texture to it.  Not only will it exfoliate, unlike loofahs and puffs, you will likely wash it after every use.  What’s more, since you don’t have to replace washcloths nearly as often as you should replace loofahs and puffs, washcloths are the best bet for your budget, as well.  Oh, and here’s a hint – if you really want to keep those washcloths in exfoliating shape, don’t use fabric softener.

Lotioning Up

Ah, lotion – the best part of the bathing experience.  Who doesn’t like to get out of the tub and slather on a delicious-smelling lotion?  If you don’t,  go look at alpacas or goats or something.

As much as we love the scentsation of lotioning up, we do it to keep our skin soft and smooth.  Here are the best budget-friendly ways to do so:

Cheap – If you like more expensive lotions, such as those from Victoria’s Secret or Bath and Body Works, or, like me, Chanel, but it’s running you in the red, try this: mix a few drops of baby oil into your lotion before smoothing it on.  Not only will the baby oil allow you to use less, it will allow you to do so without sacrificing beautiful skin.

Cheaper – Vaseline makes several good lotions and body oils, as do Palmer’s, but Vaseline’s often leave me feeling sticky, and Palmer’s is often a little too strong smelling for my taste.

Cheapest – You absolutely can’t beat Queen Helene lotions with a stick.  They are dirt cheap, often have little or no scent, and come in huge bottles that last forever.  Did I mention that these huge bottles can often be found for under $3?

Another cheap way to go are the Lander lotions that go with their 3-in -1 products.  I have been a devotee of the Vanilla Creme Caramel lotion for several years now, and I have to say that for a lotion that sells for under $3, I have never found one that is as moisturizing or smells as good.  In fact, I actually prefer this lotion to similarly scented ones I’ve gotten from VS and BBW.

And cheapest of all?  Baby oil.  Go ahead – buy it generic.  Baby oils are all basically the same, and if you  put them on while you’re still damp from the shower, you will have the silkiest skin ever.

Prevention is Priceless

Bathing and smoothing and lotioning are all great, but the best way to get beautiful skin is to protect it.  That means putting sunblock or sunscreen on EVERY SINGLE DAY. Let’s say it again together – SPF EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Unless age spots and uneven skin tone are your idea of sexy, you should be using an SPF of at least 15 on all your exposed parts every day.  Protecting your skin from the sun today is like investing in your skin’s 401k – it’s going to pay off years from now.

For the delicate skin on your neck and chest, use the same SPF products you’d use on your face, and ramp the SPF number up to at least 25 or 30.  I either use Neutrogena or Eucerin, because my super-sensitive skin extends down to my neck and chest.

And I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but STOP SUNBATHING.  That means no lying on the beach frying like bacon for hours at a time or cooking yourself in a tanning bed.  Stop it right now.  If you must be tan, use a self-tanner, but for the love of all that’s holy, use a gradual one so that you don’t look like an Ooompa-Loompa.  The only one I have been able to use with any success is Olay’s, and even it I have to water down with lotion.

Etcetera

Don’t forget Vaseline.

When you’re shaving your legs, don’t use any old razor.  You can use any old shaving cream/body wash/even hair conditioner, but use a good razor with a sharp blade.  Men’s razors are typically better, and the Mach 3 that I stole from my brother not only gives me the softest legs and underarms known to man, but I can also use the same blade for ages before it gets dull.

For feets that won’t fail, Gold Bond’s Foot Cream in the blue tube is light enough to be used during the daytime, yet rich enough to put on overnight.
See there? You can be soft as a baby’s bottom all over without spending a fortune.  Now put that money you saved in your piggy bank, because we’ve got a dream house to work on!

When my best friend Lucille and I were roommates, visitors to our home were always shocked and amazed by the sheer number of bottles, tubes, and cans of hair styling products lined up on our bathroom shelves.  Yes, I said shelves.  There were creams for my thick, curly hair, volumizers for her fine hair, and hairsprays with various degrees of gravity-defying power – I mean, gravity doesn’t attack your hair at the same velocity in a 10:00 a.m. English class as it does in a convertible on a hot summer night in the sticky South, right?

Although it’s possible that Lucille and I were slightly more hair obsessed than the average gals, I somehow think not.  A trip to the nearest drugstore or discount store bears this defense out; regardless what your hair’s issues are, there are only 10,000 products and tools that claim they can make it perfect.  I just can’t believe that Lucille and I are the only ones who’ve fallen victim to these claims.

However, a little older and wiser now, Miss Ruby knows that there are better things to spend her money on than every new hair product or tool that claims to be the ninth wonder of the world.  And she has also learned what’s worth spending on, and which items you can safely pay less for.

Where NOT to Spend Your Hair Dollars:

Shampoo: I heard the audible gasp, but trust me on this one.  You’ve been told for years that cheap shampoos will strip your hair, destroy your hair color, and cause flowers to wilt and the sun to stop coming up.  Allow me to liberate you – it’s not true.

All shampoos, regardless of how much you pay for them, are basically detergents (unless you’re talking about those weird oil-type shampoos, which I haven’t tried but am skeptical of).  Some have detergents with fancier names.  Some have more ingredients.  But when it all comes down to it, they are all still detergents, detergents that just like the soap you wash with, are going to end up going down your drain.  Therefore, you are not going to cause the end of civilization as we know it by using a drugstore brand.

In fact, some of the shampoos that get the highest ratings on www.makeupalley.com, which offers reviews of beauty products, are not only drugstore brands, but are some of the cheapest out there, including Suave’s Daily Clairifying Shampoo, Alberto VO5′s Extra Body Shampoo, and Finesse’s Moisturizing Shampoo.

Conditioner (if your hair is thin, fine, or oily): Unless you have hair that needs intensive moisturization, you are washing money down the drain buying high-end conditioners.  Fine, thin, or oily hair may not need conditioner at all, but if it does, often needs less conditioner or a less moisturizing formula, meaning that drugstore brands will work fine.

Styling Products: While everyone has different hairstyling needs, most of the time, there is a drugstore brand styler that will work for you, and it’s certainly less expensive to try drugstrore brands out until you find one you like.

That being said, let me make a few low-cost recommendations:

Freeze-It Original Hairspray

I have used a lot of hairsprays in my time.  I probably have a hole in the ozone with my name on it.  I have spent ungodly sums of money on professional sprays.  Yet I have never found a hairspray as fabulous as the humble Freeze-It, available at any drugstore or discount store.

For less than $5 a bottle, you get awesome hold that can be used on wet or dry hair, and shine like you wouldn’t believe.  If this stuff can make my curls shiny, believe me, it’s fine.

Suave Sleek Anti-Frizz Cream

Although I don’t mind Suave’s shampoos and conditioners, I had a long-standing aversion to their styling products, which I found to be ineffective, until I met this little darling.  This is supposed to be the answer to a similar Matrix product, which I’ve never used, but I can say that Suave’s Sleek cream holds down the frizz, makes my hair soft, smells good, and costs around $2.  What’s not to love?

Infusium 23 Leave-In Conditioner

I put Infusium 23 in the styling section because I can’t style my hair without it.  Period.  If you have dry, damaged, curly, or just plain unruly hair, your life will become MUCH easier if you use this before styling.  Seriously.  I don’t know how it does it, but Infusium 23 somehow makes my hair style more easily, dry more quickly, and stay healthy-looking.  All this for around $5.

Where TO Spend Your Hair Dollars:

Styling Tools: One place you are better off spending a little more money is on your styling tools.  I have found through hard-won experience that a $15 blow-dryer is not going to last very long in my household, have had my scalp singed by cheap curling irons, and have cut cheap brushes out of my hair.

If you spend any time blow-drying, curling, or flat-ironing your hair, spend more money and get a tool that will not only induce less damage to your hair, but that will also last a while.  Cheaply made hair styling tools heat unevenly, are not meant to be used for extensive periods of time, and are, over time, a waste of money.  It took me years to figure out that I could either buy a $15 blow-dryer once a year, or a $60 blow-dryer once every five-ten years.

I buy all my styling tools at Sally Beauty Supply, mostly because it’s handy.  I have had great luck with the higher-end Jilbere blow-dryers, and my mother won’t use anything but the Helen of Troy curling irons and brushes they carry.  I’ve bought their Jilbere flat-irons for my niece and cousin, who love them.

Hair Cut/Style: I’m lucky in that one of my best friends is a beautician, and does my hair at a deep discount, but I’d pay 3x what I pay her if I needed to, because I know that the better cut and style I have, the less time – and money – I spend styling my hair.  If my hair is cut well, I don’t have to spend an hour every morning styling it, or a ton of products.

Conditioner (if your hair is dry/damaged): If your hair needs a little extra help, spend a little more on a conditioner.  There are some great drugstore conditioners, but if you really need it, spring for a professional conditioner.

Other Ideas:

• Stop washing your hair every day.  It took me a long time to get it through my thick hair – um, skull – that my hair didn’t need to be washed every day.  I’ve been washing every other day for a couple years now, and I wish I’d begun that practice much earlier.  Not only does it save me time on the days I don’t wash my hair, but it also saves me money, because I’m using literally half the amount of shampoo, conditioner, and styling products I used to.
• Dilute your shampoo.  It’s a little known fact that shampoo works as well – or, on certain hair types, like dry hair, long hair, or processed hair, better – diluted.  Most salons dilute their shampoos for this reason. I always dilute my shampoos to between 25%-50% strength, depending on the shampoo’s consistency, because not only is it gentler on my long, curly hair, but it makes my shampoo last forever.
• Have a product swap.  Chances are you and several of your nearest and dearest have lots of shampoos, conditioners, styling products and even styling tools lying around collecting dust.  Get together and swap.  It’s a great way to try new products for free, and to get rid of the ones that haven’t worked out for you.

Yes, I’ve been bad.  Yes, I’ve not even visited my own blog in a coon’s age.  Well, I have nothing to say for myself.  So I won’t try.

The prodigal post, ahem, is about your first place.  Whether it’s the private dorm room you’ve been whining to your parents about for two years, your first apartment, or your first house.  Mostly about your first dorm or apartment, because I’ve been inspired by my brother, Booger Breath, and his first apartment, which he just recently acquired.

Booger Breath is only 20, but he thinks – no, behaves – like the onery 72 year old at the Senior Citizens Center.  You know, the one who comes dressed in a tie no matter what, who drives a Cadillac that’s as long as a house, and likes to quarrel about how good it was back in the day?  That’s my 20 year old brother, peeps.  He thinks life was better in 1960.

So anyway, Booger Breath got his first apartment, and he comes to visit me back in the sticks, and he has a list of assorted things he wants for his apartment.  You’ll piss yourself when you read this.  He wants a butler – no, not the flesh and blood type, but one of those things that old men hang their suits on.  He wants a dry sink.  I don’t even know what a dry sink looks like.  He wants some pictures of animals – “you know, like Granddaddy had, like raccoons and hound dogs and things like that.  He wants, and I quote, “bric-a-brac.”  Has anyone referred to bric-a-brac since the Eisenhower Administration?

Booger Breath is laboring under the tiny damaged notion that your first place is great right out of the box.  He’s yet to learn that for several months, at least, the greatest thing about your first place is that you can stay out as late as you want and have whomever you want over at all hours.  It’s going to take it awhile to actually look good.

Being the best sister in the world, trying to help, I scratched him up a couple lamps and some other things, all the while bitching under my breath, “when me and Lucille got our first apartment, no one helped us.”  Not exactly true.  Her sister gave us a set of Pfaltzgraff  Village dishes that seemed to double in weight when they hit dishwater.

Most of our furniture was crates.  Or cardboard boxes, with Contact paper over them.  Or pieces we picked up off the side of the road, like the lovely green vinyl chair I wish we hadn’t broken.

We became very good at decorating with what we had, which consisted of Grateful Dead and Rolling Stones posters and Mardi Gras beads.  My bizarre collection of pop bottles filled with marbles figured prominently in our design.  As did pictures of Tim Armstrong and Shane MacGowan.  Ahem.

We also used whatever could be gotten cheap – like less than a dollar cheap. Our three favorite items, which I still cherish, were picked up at the Goodwill.  One was a little wooden cutout that said “Love.”  The other was a little wooden plaque with the “Love Is” couple, that said “Love is helping her polish the furniture,” which we both found hilarious.  Our favorite, though, was this crazy little blue plastic frame that had picture of a bee in it that said, fittingly, “Busy as a Bee.”

I have hung all three of these items in various places in every home I have ever lived in since.  Not only do I love them aesthetically, I love them sentimentally.  I love them because I remember them hanging proudly on the wall of our first place, our first decor decisions, as it were.

Anyway, I sent Booger Breath to the Salvation Army and Goodwill, and told him to go forth and prosper.  I’ll keep my eye out for raccoon and dog pictures and “bric-a-brac” I think he might like.  But I won’t help him much.  And he already found a “butler,” by the way.  It’s ugly as hell, too.

I’ve been out of commission for several days with a couple different problems, but now I’m back on at least one of my feets, and am ready to make a long long overdue shopping trip.

Of course I will be going to the grocery store, probably to Wal-Mart, bad as I hate to. But before I go anywhere else, I will be going to the Dollar Tree – yeeeeeeehaw!

Let me digress for a second. I do not shop without a list. Not. Ever. I find that when I shop without a list I come home with 100 things I did not need and nothing I needed. My strategy is thus: I take the list first to the Dollar Tree, and after that, onto Wal-Mart.

The thing is, you never know what you are going to find at the Dollar Tree. A little this, a little that. But here are some of my favorite things from the Dollar Tree:

• Essential Lip Moisture Lip Balm in Almond Swirl. Yes my friends, for but a dollar, you can have a lip balm and a half, literally. I’ve only found this brand at Dollar Tree, but it comes in a package that includes a full-sized lip balm and a little pint-sized lip balm, and let me testify that it is by far the best lip balm I’ve ever used. And that includes Bath and Body Works, Burt’s Bees and the Body Shop.
• Microfiber Towels. You’ve already read about my love affair with microfiber here , I realize, but isn’t it helpful to know that I get many of my microfiber miracles at the Dollar Tree, where I can even get a microfiber mitt for just a dollar? Awesome, right?
• Crossword Puzzle Books. Almost everyone in my family is crossword crazy. I can often find both Dell and TV Guide crossword books at Dollar Tree for much less than retail. You can also get Sudoku and word searches, too, if you’re interested.
• Nail Polish. I am a nail polish junkie, and Dollar Tree often has a decent selection of overstock nail polishes by L’Oreal, Maybelline, and Sally Hansen. They have other overstock cosmetics, too, but I’m a little particular about my makeup. Nail polish is another story.
• Stationary. The females in my family, myself included, have a thing about stationary. We love having little magnetized list tablets, memo cubes, note cards, and other stationary handy. We also love sealing things up with stickers. The Dollar Tree offers a good selection of supercute, fairly good quality stationary, which I will often bundle in baskets, along with a candle or other item, and give as a gift. Everyone loves them.
• Kitchen Items. When I discovered that there wasn’t a spatula, serving spoon, dishtowel or potholder to be had at my church, my next stop was the Dollar Tree. I got everything we needed and spent less than $20.00. The Dollar Tree has surprisingly high quality kitchen items, such as utensils and even scissors and knives. In fact, I have been using a pair of kitchen scissors and a large “melon-cutting knife,” as we call it around these parts, that came from Dollar Tree for at least five years now, and both are still good as new. They also have one of my favorite inventions ever, that I never see anywhere else, that being tablecloth clamps, which I can assure you are indispensable if you live with two foolish cats.
• Cute Little Decorative Items. I’ve found holiday decorations that I’m not ashamed of a the Dollar Tree, glass vases, tumblers, who knows what else. All very cheap, of course. Also, when I moved into the practice Barbie Dream House, I found that none of my fancy bathroom sets (you know, toothbrush holder, soap dish, etc.) matched my hideous bathroom. Since all my sets are gorgeous, and I know I’ll use them again someday, I bought an adorable set at Dollar Tree, clear, heavy plastic that looks enough like glass that several guests have been fooled, for less than $6. The best part is, I was in another store not long after, and saw a set made of much flimsier, cheap-looking plastic selling for around $5 per piece. I laughed!
• Home Organization Items. If you’re a fan of plastic bins and other organizational tools, then I’m sure you’ve already discovered Dollar Tree. If not, hie! You will be in heaven. I outfitted an entire home office with bins for everything imaginable, and spent less than $10. Let me also add that you can find other little home items, such as felt pads that keep your furniture from getting scratched, telephone line splitters, clothespins, and everything else under the sun super cheap.

So, the next time you make your store list, go first to Dollar Tree. You’ll be surprised what you can find there. And you’ll be pleased with all that money you save for your Barbie Dream House or your hot rod truck.

We’re country ’round here, using our washtub and clothesline…

If you are like me, then every day is laundry day. I can count on one hand the days in the past month when there hasn’t been a washing put out here, as my Mama would say.

I can’t say that I especially enjoy putting out a washing, but like death and taxes, laundry is for certain. Laundry’s not going to get any more fun, but here are a few ways that I make it less upsetting to my pocketbook:

• Cold Water. Most of my clothes are washed in cold water. Originally, this did not come about for energy-efficiency, but for clothing-efficiency – cold water is much gentler on your clothing than warm or hot water. It doesn’t fade colors, it doesn’t distort fabrics, and it helps your clothing to last longer. Now, I realize that some of you may worry that your clothes won’t come as clean using cold water; think of it this way: most of the clothes that I wash in cold water have been “gently worn,” in a manner of speaking. That means little sweating or soiling. They have been worn to my office job, to church, to meetings, to secret rendezvous (okay, not so many secret rendezvous nowadays, but you get the picture). However, if I’ve spent the night dancing on a bar, I put some baking soda in with my better clothes, just to make sure they get clean AND fresh. In fact, the only things I use hot water for are undies and towels.
• Line Drying. No, I don’t use an old-fashioned clothesline most of the time (mostly because I have some obnoxious birds in my neighborhood, if you get my drift), but I do have several drying racks and clothes racks that I use to hang my better clothes up to dry. Like washing in cold water, this preserves clothing. Drying clothing in the dryer shrinks and fades clothing. Not to mention that it uses electricity. If you come to my house, or my mother’s house, on any given day, you are liable to find the utility room crowded with drying racks. Roll your eyes, but we’re saving money, not just by foregoing the dryer, but by extending the lifetime of our clothes!
• Better Stain Removal. Removing stains from your clothing keeps you from having to replace them, right? Knowing how to remove stains while also saving money – well, that saves you even more money, right? There’s no need to buy anything especially for stain removal; two of my favorite stain removers are Blue Dawn and M30 Hand Cleaner, both of which multi-task like crazy. You can read about Blue Dawn in the linked post; M30 hand cleaner you can read about on the product’s website . However, allow me to say a few words about both; both are ridiculously inexpensive – around a dollar, more or less. A bottle of Blue Dawn and a can of M30 in the laundry room literally last me for years. Blue Dawn is great for greasy stains, especially food stains, and I’ve never had it fade or otherwise harm any piece of clothing. M30 is great for makeup, ink, and other such like stains. I was turned on to M30 by an aunt who works as a school secretary, and gets into all the inky, messy stains that come with the territory. She swears by M30. Again, I’ve never had it harm any fabric. Let me add that it’s also great great for carpet and upholstery stains. Of course, another reason I love M30 is that it is made right here in my home state of Kentucky.
• Smart Detergent/Fabric Softener Shopping/Use. First things first – don’t ever, ever, EVER buy detergent or fabric softener if it’s not on sale, okay? And no, you don’t have to go store to store searching, just look for your favorite brand when it’s on sale at your favorite store, and stock up then. That’s easy. Also, use smarter – here’s how I do it: I use a pricier brand on my better clothing, and my new favorite, Purex Natural Elements (which is phosphate-free and smells great) on everything else. The Purex is cheap AND does a great job. The pricier detergent lasts forever, because not only do I use it on fewer items, but I use less of it, because I’m using it on very gently worn clothing. Unless I’m washing a huge load, I only use about half a cap of detergent. The Purex lasts a long time, too, because I use less of it, and add Borax , which makes the detergent work even harder. I didn’t give a brand for the pricier one, because it truly depends on which smells better to me and is on sale at the time. As for fabric softener, I use liquid on my clothing that will air dry (and again, whichever smells best and is on sale), and sheets on whatever will be dried in the dryer. However, a box of sheets goes a long way, because I do not use them in towels or sheets. Sheets I like crisp; in towels, I use vinegar instead of fabric softener, because it makes them soft without making them less absorbent – fabric softener builds up on them and makes them less absorbent over time. And no, you can’t smell the vinegar on your towels. If you could, I wouldn’t use it, trust me.

You may have noticed I didn’t mention bleach even once; that’s because I very rarely use it. The only items I bleach are undies, and I don’t do that every time I wash them, just every other time or so. Bleach is very harsh on fabrics, not to mention everything else it touches. For linens, I find that using Borax gets them just as clean, without being so destructive.

Laundry is a pain. Always will be. But, by saving money on your laundry, you have more money for your Barbie Dream House, or whatever else it is you want. This week, all the money I save on laundry is going to the vintage Pioneer stereo set I’m buying for my 70s-style den. Groovy.

To end up a series of multi-tasking wonders posts, I present for your consideration the one, the only, Vaseline.

No, there’s not going to be any pervy info here, just good clean fun with an item that we all know and love.  Sorry.

Vaseline is something I never leave home without.  Seriously.  I carry a small tube in my purse (but as soon as I get my hot little paws on one of those cute tins in the picture, the tube is out) for the various and sundry situations for which Vaseline is ideal.  Among the uses I have found for the emergency stash:

• Chapped lips.  This one’s a gimme, but when your bright red lipstick is looking flaky and gross, this will keep you from looking like a crack ho.
• Cuticle mender. If dishpan hands doesn’t even begin to describe you, at least put some Vaseline on those raggedy-ass cuticles.  Please.
• Nasty looking heels, elbows, knees, insert your body part here. Nothing like going out on the town in your come hither sexy sandals, only to find that your heels look more like hooves.  Smooth a tiny bit on – no more or you’ll have trouble keeping your hooves in the sandals.  Same goes for your ashy elbows, scabby knees, and sandpaper-y shins.
• Frizz destructor. Despite my best efforts, I sometimes look in the rearview mirror and see a frizzy spot that somehow missed my attention.  A small dab of Vaseline will cure it.
• First-aid ointment. When you meet with a little-bitty disaster, such as a paper cut or some kind of scrape, and no first-aid/antibiotic ointment is available, substitute Vaseline.  Works like a charm!

I travel a lot for work, and I find that Vaseline eliminates the need for packing many other items.  It packs light if you use a small container, there’s no risk of spilling, and it’s always helpful to have on hand.

I don’t just use Vaseline when I’m on the go.  At home I use it for:

• Razor-burn eliminator. I have super-sensitive skin, and used to leave a nice trail of red bumps in my wake every time I shaved my legs.  I read somewhere that Vaseline would prevent this, and skeptical, I tried it.  I was AMAZED.  The trick is this – while your legs are still damp, just out of the shower, smooth on just a bit of Vaseline.  Prevents razor burn, and gives you the softest legs EVAH. HINT: this will also work on the bikini area.
• Exfoliator. Yes, you read that right.  If you get those bitchy little white/red bumps on the backs of your arms and legs, the easiest – and cheapest  – way to get rid of them is to smooth on some Vaseline, then take a loofah (careful to choose one slightly less abrasive than a Brillo pad) and scrub.  Wash it off in the shower, follow up with days spent rubbing your soft soft arms and giggling  with glee.
• Pedicure Assistant. Get a different loofah, but use the same principal to scrub up your tootsies. Before bed, smooth some on your feet, put on socks, and wake up in the morning with feet that are not a disgrace.  Another little tip – if you are a messy toe nail polisher (I confess), if you will take the time to dip a cotton swab in Vaseline, then dab it around your toe nails, nail polish will have a hard time sticking to your skin.  Just don’t get it on your toe nails, or it won’t stick to them, either.
• Hand Cream. My hands have to be in pretty bad shape before I can stand to do this, but if yours are a wreck, smooth Vaseline on them, put on gloves, and either sleep in them or wear them as long as you can stand it.  I can’t make it through the night without the gloves coming off, but if you can, you’ll reap the benefits.

I know you have a dusty old can of Vaseline somewhere in your house.  Make good use of it.  It’s dirt-cheap, you can find it anywhere, and truthfully, you don’t even have to use the Vaseline brand – any old petroleum jelly will do.

And if you find any of those little tins, be a good egg and let me know, okay?

Meet the microfiber towel – your new best friend.

If you haven’t got a microfiber towel or two around your house, then I’m surprised you’ve lived this long. No home should be without at least two microfiber towels, because they make cleaning ridiculously easy and simple. They can do so many different tasks, and make them all so quick you’ll wonder how you ever lived without a microfiber towel.

So what can these wonders do?

Actually, we’re going to divide this into two sections: what a microfiber towel can do, and what it can do better than a Swiffer cloth. You read that right – when you have a microfiber cloth, you will no longer have any use for a dry Swiffer cloth. You can stop wasting your money and filling up the landfills.

I know you’re curious now, so we’ll start with all the things a microfiber cloth does better than a Swiffer:

• Dust furniture or anything else holding still without furniture polish. I was never particularly impressed with the Swiffer’s dusting capabilities. Not even the fringe-y ones that were supposed to replace the feather duster. A microfiber cloth, however, will blow your mind. It’s great for dusting electronics, and for furniture, it can’t be beat. When you don’t have to spray furniture polish, or go back over the surfaces Swiffer left dusty, you’ll find that dusting takes much less time. You’ll also find more money in your pocket, when you’re not spending it on furniture polish and Swiffers.
• Clean ceiling fans and blinds. A microfiber cloth will make short work of cleaning both blinds and ceiling fan blades. And, to make this task even easier and quicker, you can now find these nifty little microfiber mitts in the big box store or even dollar-type store of your choice. The best part about this is, you can actually clean a ceiling fan without a shower of dust bunnies raining down in your hair and eyes. And you know that’s good.
• Dust the tops of refrigerators, cabinets, or anything else that’s taller than you are. I’m sure you already have the stick for a dry Swiffer in your home. I’d be surprised if you didn’t. Just wrap a microfiber cloth around the Swiffer stick and get to dusting the things you can’t reach. All without, once again, raining a shower of dust bunnies on your head.
• Dust/sweep hardwood/tile floors. I first fell prey to the Swiffer when I moved into a house that had tile floors. The broom didn’t always pick up the dust bunnies or the hairies, as I like to call those little wads of people and cat hair that one often finds alongside dust bunnies. However, the Swiffer didn’t always pick these up, either. A microfiber towel used on the Swiffer stick will do it, people. In fact, I’d challenge you to first use a Swiffer on your floor, then go over it again with a microfiber towel, and prepare to be horrified. Best of all, if you have a large room, you don’t have to go through several Swiffers or microfiber towels – just flip the microfiber towel over when it gets dirty.

And now, for the other miracles the microfiber towel can perform:

• Cleaning windows without streaks. Self-explanatory.
• Dusting lampshades. You may wonder why this one wasn’t included with the Swiffer ideas. That’s because I could never use a Swiffer on a lamp shade without leaving a downy dusting of Swiffer-bunnies behind.
• Drying dishes quickly. Unlike a regular towel that quickly becomes soaked, the thirsty microfiber cloth will dry many, many dishes before becoming so wet it’s unusable. Unless I’m in a big hurry, I don’t use the heat-dry feature on my dishwasher – if the dishes aren’t dry by the time I’m ready to get them out, I give them a quick swipe with a microfiber cloth.
• Drying car windows. I rarely towel dry an entire car, but I will usually dry the windows to keep them from spotting. One microfiber towel will typically dry all the windows on my Jeep Grand Cherokee.
• Drying my hair. Yep, you read that right. I found this idea on Makeup Alley , a wonderful site for learning more than you ever wanted or needed to know about beauty products.  Now, they recommended a towel just for this purpose from Bed, Bath and Beyond or some such place, but since the nearest store like that is oh, 200 miles from here, I just bought a large microfiber towel in the automotive section at Wal-Mart, and was delighted to find that it worked very well.  I have long, thick, curly hair that has a lot in common with a sponge in that it soaks up water and refuses to let it go.  The microfiber towel makes blow-drying my hair much quicker.

So now, to recap: the microfiber towel is amazing.  A regular workhorse, it can perform many, many duties around the house.  It will save you beaucoup bucks in time while also decreasing the amount of trash you produce by eliminating the need for Swiffers and the paper towels you may use for some of these other tasks.  Furthermore, it makes you more energy efficient by allowing you to stop using the heat-dry option on your dishwasher, decreasing the amount of time you need to blow-dry your hair, and decreasing the amount of time you keep the lights turned on up into the wee hours of the night cleaning house.  Wonderful.  Of course, to me, the best thing about microfiber towels is that they make cleaning so much quicker that I have more time to read books and do my nails.  That’s productivity.